


Watching to be Kind

by SilverWolfPup



Category: White Collar
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Conflicting Loyalties, Daemon Touching, Daemons, Duty, Friendship/Love, It won't let me say that in one tag, Letters, M/M, Realizations, Referenced - Freeform, Separation, Trust, but it is written down!, kinda. not in the right format, observation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverWolfPup/pseuds/SilverWolfPup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal wrote Peter a letter about something he realised, spending so much time with his daemon.</p><p>Note the tags, and know that Peter may or may not actually be given the letter, not to mention that even if Neal <em>does</em> give it to him, Peter might still decide that the relationship is too much of a risk, or Elizabeth might not actually improve...<br/>But they could also have a happy ending. Eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching to be Kind

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you know what daemons are, if you're reading this. The other side of your soul, walking and talking and solid.
> 
> If you need to know, Peter's male daemon, Cazaril, is a red-tailed hawk. Neal's female daemon, Aurora, is a cat of some kind (I'm considering Savannah cat, but I'm not sure). Elizabeth gets Satchmo (Satchmorian if it has to be big and complicated) and Diana gets a male caracal that had a name once, but it got lost.
> 
> Also, I got kind of poetical. I'm not sure if Neal would actually write something like this, but... artistic licence, yeah?

 

You know, it's a lot simpler than I expected, isn't it. What you think of me.

It's the furious shriek of an enraged hawk when all I can taste in my mouth is blood, the trembling beak preening comfortingly through my daemon's fur. It's the weight of a raptor on my shoulder, your daemon close enough to touch but careful not to let a single electric feather touch my skin. It's watchful eyes that aren't looking to hurt me, but to help me, perched on my chair and watching me paint away my love and my pain and my grief and my lust and not judging it at all. It's knowing there's someone who won't hurt me for anything, not their job, not their own wants, not anything. It's someone being there even when you can't be, Peter, someone who shouldn't be but nearly always is. It's your daemon, silly as that is. I don't know how I would ever have guessed without him.

He shouldn't be able to go so far from you, Peter. What's the story there? Cazaril won't tell me, and I've asked. He keeps his secrets close, like you do, not that that's a surprise. But he keeps mine too, even from you, and I didn't know what to think of that. Why would a daemon keep someone else's secrets?

It took embarrassingly long to work it out, Peter. You keep your secrets very close, even from yourself, but I could still see it. You're very reserved, aren't you, Peter? You don't let people close.

Cazaril doesn't talk to many people, I notice. Their daemons, sure, he's always friendly. But he only _talks_ to Elizabeth, Diana... and me. And the only other person he even comes near to touching is Elizabeth, and you two are in love like I once thought was nothing but a fairy tale. Even with Kate, I thought that, but you and El... you're so _casual_ about it, Cazaril flicking feathers across her cheek whenever he's close enough, you petting Satchmo like it's no big deal. Maybe that's why I took so long to work it out, because you're so perfect together that I couldn't think you could...

But daemons don't lie. Even Aurora can only imply things, believe it or not, or lie for a short while. She is honest in what she is, while I'm just not.

She hasn't been lying to you Peter. _I_ haven't been. I swear it on my life, Peter. I swear it.

And I know that even if you can't tell me that you love me as well as Elizabeth, Cazaril will. I told you I can see it, Peter. You aren't very good at lying. Not about this.

There is no other reason for Cazaril's actions. I make a living off knowing people, Peter, and knowing people means knowing daemons. They aren't very complex in their motivations in the end, they're very simple; they will do anything for their human. For some, that's helping them do what they want, and for others, that's knowing when you can't let them do something, but it is always, _always_ to help their human.

And the only way that Cazaril could feel keeping my secrets so I could feel safe was worth keeping them is if you love me, Peter. And then I saw the rest of it... I told you, Peter. A hawk's cry, a kind beak, the weight of a raptor and eyes that watch and are kind. And through all the troubles, the conflict of duty and betrayal and Elizabeth and _me_ you always tried, in your way. You tried to keep me safe even when I didn't want you to, tried to help me even when it hurt you.

I know there were times you didn't - couldn't - trust me. I know. But I think I get it now, and I think I can forgive you, if you can forgive me as well. We were both blind in our ways, Peter, surely you can admit it if I can.

Peter. I have to ask. Is there a chance? I know it wouldn't be easy. I know I'm difficult. But I think I might be worth it.

What do you say, Peter? Want to give it a try?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Also, yes, Peter had a bad moment in the past that ended up with him and Cazaril separated. People are bastards. I can even write it, if you like.


End file.
